Tuesday, November 22, 2016

The Winter Tree

She stands rooted in the haunting cold,
With an icy stare and fears untold.
She protects her frozen heart fiercely,
For its a heart that's been hurt once too many.

She once bloomed with daffodils and roses,
To the touch of love and to tenderness, her only weakness.
She was full of life, steady and strong,
Her heart and mind were open for all that came along.

She has far too many stitches now,
And she never lets her guard down.
She remains with a heart frozen and gated,
For soon leaves withered leaving her bare and naked.

She will bloom once again with daffodils and roses,
This time to the touch of her own passion, with no weakness.
She has a red fiery soul and the flame is intense,
Her heart and mind will open for herself and for no one else.

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

Madras and a quest

My dad was a banker and he used to work in different cities but he never moved his family from Madras because he wanted us to have the stability of being in the same place, without interrupting our schooling and everything else. And I think he made the right decision for us. When I was 8 years old, his longest stint was at Kodaikanal - a hill station and we used to visit our dad in Kodaikanal every summer. We used to love our vacations, escaping the heat and the chaos of Madras into a quieter, mist-filled Kodaikanal (at-least that was how it was back then). When our vacation ended, jitters about the unfinished summer home-work and the impending first day at school used to set in. Inspite of that, the moment my train reached Madras apart from the feeling of missing my dad, the next strongest feeling I used to have was to throw my arms in the air to hug Madras and shout, I am home! No matter the choas and the heat, Madras was still sweet home!

And everytime I came back from my vacation, I used to look forward to many things in Madras. Like meeting my neighbor girl whom I used to call akka. She was like an older sister to me and I used to learn a lot of stuff from her right from math to dressing up. I used to be excited to meet my grandparents and my neighborhood friends and tell them all about my vacation. I used to look forward to school - I went to one of the awesomest schools and I had some really cool classmates. My best friends lived just a block away and boy, did we have fun! In short, I had a great childhood. And then life took its course, everyone grew up.

I visited Madras just a month ago and before I went, I heard that a lot has changed in just a few years- new roads, new flyovers, new trains, new malls, new restaurants.. But I knew that these changes will not affect me greatly. Well, of course I am very happy to see Madras flourishing but the things that will have an impact on me are the things that changed even before I left Madras. For instance, Madras changing to Chennai - why would they do that? Don't you see it? I still love to call it Madras! I am able to relate to the eclectic city better that way! Okay, Tamil Nadu government - no offence! And then the neighbor akka moved to another city long time ago. My neighborhood friends became my facebook friends, once a big gang of classmates dwindled into a small whatsapp group and my best friends moved to different cities, my parents moved to another neighborhood and they got older and my grandparents got even older.

What really changed after I left ? Nothing really. So why does it seem to be affecting me now after all these years? When I thought deeper, I understood that my deepest, biggest fear before I visited Madras this time was that I did not know if I will feel at home. This was important to me because I have so many memories from my formative years associated with this city. I desperately wanted the place to give me something for me to feel at home.

And after I visited, I accepted the fact that things are not going to be the same. My parents are indeed growing older, the friends I once knew have indeed moved on and the home I grew up in, is indeed not there now. But I also accepted that there indeed are many other things that will not change. The Madras I visited still smells of jasmine flowers, freshly ground coffee and piping hot sambhar. Madras still has its beautiful people, lovely temples and colorful silk sarees. Madras still has its intellectualism and its great sense of humor. It still has the chaos with music blaring in the middle of the roads, children playing "street cricket", vehicles honking mad crazy and oh yeah, it still has its awesome food and beaches. And I tell you what? These reasons alone are enough for me to throw my arms in the air to hug Madras and shout, I am indeed home!

Monday, June 15, 2015

Bhagesri - Spiritual Bliss

Recently I read the news that T.M.Krishna quit the December kutcheri season. I feel sorry for his fans like my mom, who wait to listen to his kutcheri in December. I have not had the opportunity to attend TMK's kutcheri yet and I regret not having done so. I listen to his songs streaming in YouTube and he stirs the deepest of the deepest feelings with his music. Only a few can sing in a soul stirring way and only a handful of the few can speak through their soulful singing and he is so blessed of the handful. I was listening to Saagara Shayana sung by TMK in Bhagesri raaga- what a beautiful rendition! He delivered emotions of yearning for spiritual love with a tinge of sweet sadness all in one song. 

Even though my mom is so good at music, I am not a Carnatic music buff or anything but I started following songs with its raaga in the recent past. Bhagesri raaga is known for its uniqueness. It has an influence of Hindustani music and it plays with your senses in ways I just can't explain. This is not a raaga you can enjoy on the go. One needs to be in the right place with a right frame of mind to listen to this. Try listening to it with eyes closed in a quiet room and get transported to another era, a spiritual era, maybe the era of Krishna. Imagine a life of peace, love, a lush and green Vrindavan, breathe the fresh air, hear the sounds of flute and birds and clinking anklets, taste the exotic fruits and honey and feel the soft touch of silk. And with all senses satisfied, just be, one within yourself, in spiritual bliss.

Friday, November 02, 2012

My romantic tryst with Sydney

Sydney... Where do I start? And how do I end? I am not sure. I am here in the plane, flying back to India after saying goodbye to Sydney. And all I know is, I have left a piece of my heart back in a place where I feel I still belong. I am sitting here reminiscing about things and people that changed my life in the last few months. It’s strange. I didn't know it’s possible for me to get this emotional. I should be happy because it was my decision to leave and I have so many things to look forward to, so many changes to look forward to. I am happy. Oh I am usually happy whatever happens. But still why do I feel so hollow? Kaash.. If things were a little different, I wouldn't have left Sydney.

I remember the day I landed in Sydney. I came out of the airport and I felt like I have come 
home. No one was there to receive me nor did I know anyone well enough to feel at home. But I knew that this place and I shared some strange connection, a spiritual and a soulful connection. I always trust my instincts. My instincts may not be always logical, but they are always right. My instincts and feelings were strong - Sydney felt like home from the very first beginning. I believe in destiny and my stay in Sydney was a perfect destiny’s play and everything happened like it was beautifully written by God’s own hands.
I grew up in a family that is predominantly male dominated. I have no sisters and all my cousins are mostly boys.  I am able to appreciate sports now because of them. But I have always wished that I had a sister to share and fight over girly things. I have girlfriends with whom I share gossips, fight over silly things, drool over some romantic movies. But there is nothing like living under the same roof and doing the same things. And I experienced all that in these last few months. I had the best room-mates and I had so many “girls just wanna have fun” moments. We cooked together, explored places together, got lost together, got mad at each other and still stuck together.  

Just like seasons change, so do people. I was in Sydney for winter and spring. And both the seasons were so different. As the seasons changed, I experienced the changes in the city, people and myself.
Winter in Sydney is not extremely cold, weather is milder compared to other places like Melbourne. Usually it isn’t easy for anyone who moves to a city for the first time and so I fell sick. Thankfully for me, I had wonderful colleagues and I also moved to Unit 3 what I called home till the end which made me settle down quite well. I met the best people, shared the best memories and I had the best time. I joined a badminton club where I played every weekend, shopped a lot, watched a movie every Saturday night with friends and we promptly watched the latest Bollywood movie releases too. My Hindi vocabulary interestingly got better and I learnt to cook different dishes and my life was filled with a fusion of multicultural diversities. Personally, winter in Sydney made me change. I started becoming more “me”, the city and the people helped me realize who I really am. I felt a soulful freedom and independence in the true sense. I explored Sydney with friends in ways best known to us and that’s when I fell in love with Darling Harbour.  I felt a strange connection with Darling Harbour the same way I felt when I landed in Sydney the first day. There is something about that place that made me feel so good every time I went there. The harbourside, the Saturday fireworks, the restaurants and bars, the people – Darling Harbour always got me heady. I love that place and I know that there is a magical connection that I share with Darling Harbour that I can’t explain. I did not travel beyond Sydney except for a short visit to Canberra & Snowy Mountains. I was curious to know Sydney better and experimenting with it was absolutely joyous.

Spring came by and things changed drastically. People moved out of my life. New flat-mates, new colleagues, new fun came in. But somewhere in the midst of all this, I decided that it’s time to leave. And Sydney rained. That was another thing I shared with Sydney. Whenever things were sweet, Sydney rained. And when my heart cried, Sydney cried too. I really didn't want to leave Sydney but I would like to think that I took the decision that was best for me. I wasn't sure if I would ever come back to Australia so I went to Melbourne to meet an old friend and made a trip to Goldcoast with friends. I made it a point to make the best use of whatever time was left.  I truly enjoyed the Australian wildlife; one can’t find such exotic species anywhere else in the world. I hugged a cute cute koala, fed kangaroos and colourful birds. My heart melted when a kangaroo held on to me like a baby as I fed it. I didn’t mind when one big green parrot took a particular liking to me, ate off the grains from my hand and unknowingly scratched me with its big claws. I walked in the Australian rain, went bush walking on the blue mountains, experienced the tree top adventures – loved the tarzan jump and sliding on the rope, went on all the deadly rides in Dreamworld theme park – the giant drop was the best adrenaline rush, gambled and won in the Crown Casino, partied hard, visited beaches and collected sea shells for my mom, Skywalked 260m above ground level and jumped on the glass ceiling and waved a big hello to people down below. And that was spring - fun with vengeance, lived life like there was no tomorrow and there was no stopping me.

There are so many more things that I wanted to do- eat mangoes in summer, go sky diving and scuba diving, visit Great Barrier Reef, go for an Opera show, get autograph from Master Chef people,  visit Taronga Zoo, meet Juan Mann for a free hug  and many more such things. But it all ended abruptly. My stay in Australia was cut out like a jigsaw puzzle. I don’t think it could have ended any other way because everything was cut out like it had to end this way.  But how can this jigsaw be complete with so many missing parts? Maybe.. Maybe I will visit Sydney again in the future someday to fill them all up. Until then, life will go on. 6 years ago, I wrote a blog post - Life goes on and ever since I wrote that post, life has moved on for me. Now, I know that there will be moments when things or names will remind me of Sydney and those precious moments will warm my heart and bring a tear to my eyes and a smile to my face. I know memories will remain. And I also know that no matter what, life will go on.
Now as my flight is descending, I am thinking that just as this journey has changed my clock to go backwards, I wish I could really turn back time to one windy evening in Sydney that I will never forget - when after a great day at work I went shopping, I stopped at one of the bars at Darling Harbour, listened to a live rock band and I felt the same strange unexplainable feeling that told me that this is not going to end. That evening, Sydney rained.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


In the mad mad crowd,
In the cold evening suddenly,
When my knees become weak,
When my heart skips a beat,
When my cheeks become warm,
And when I forget to breathe,
When all I think of is you,
Darling, I don't have to search for you,
I know you are here coz what I feel is you!

Baby, won't you tell me?
Why do you do this to me?

I promise myself I won't look at you,
All promises crumble suddenly,
When you stand in front of me,
When you look with intense eyes,
When you give a gentle smile,
And when all I do is cry deep inside,
When you leave me with words denied,
Darling don't walk away, tell me how you feel,
Coz I know what we share is real!

Baby, won't you tell me?
Why do you do this to me?

Monday, August 13, 2012

Please drive responsibly!

On Mar 2, 2012 I met with a road accident. A day I would never forget. Well no one forgets accidents. Even if I would like to forget the day, I can't. Because I have a fractured clavicle that will remind me of the day for the rest of my life. It was a classic case of drunken driving. An undivided two way lane, a drunken guy from the opposite side drove his vehicle to the other side of the road, hit the guy in a scooter who was driving in front of me. The worst part was, I knew this was happening and I applied the brakes. But fate has its way. The drunken guy in his inebriated state hadn't had his share. He accelerated instead of applying brakes, hit my vehicle and took the vehicle behind me down as well. Three victims because of one guy's intoxication. I don't remember anything much after that. Except that, I really wished my husband hadn't had to travel again and that one sweet girl with a presence of mind helped me at the right time (we became friends later). I ended up with a clavicle bone fracture while the other two victims too got away with bruises and fractures.

But this post is not only about my accident. I just read a tweet by my friend. His friend passed away in a road accident. He died young. It pains me. It saddens me. It angers me. I wish people drive more responsibly. We are dealing with lives here. Do they understand the pain of loss of loved ones? I almost lost my dad in an accident. Do they know what kind of emotional and physical trauma the victim undergoes if they survive? Do they know what the family goes through? Do they know that its horrible to die young with all dreams crushed? Have they even thought about it? Did they think about it when they had that drink and chose to drive in that intoxicated state?

It's just not about irresponsible driving. People in India think its a joke to wear seat belts. Some I know laugh at the idea. They proclaim, "No one in India needs to wear seat belt". To them, the concept of wearing seat belt is "westernized" because only in western countries, people wear seat belts. Western countries have strict rules and you are penalized if you don't wear seat belts and that's why they wear seatbelts. That doesn't make the concept of wearing seatbelt "westernized". I know Indian government has brought law to wear seatbelt and helmet as compulsory . But oh with all the corruption, one can easily bribe the police and get away. But, what are you bribing? You are bribing someone's life or your own? I remember I had a chat with a lady in the gym in India. She said, "I don't want to wear a helmet. My hair gets sticky. the law for compulsory wearing of helmets should be only for men. Not for women". I tried to talk some sense to her and she never spoke to me after that. Not my problem. Some lawyers supported women like her and protested against the law and wanted women to be excluded from this rule. Women's rights, hate to say it, can be violated for all the wrong reasons. I don't understand why women should be excluded. Don't we have the right to live?

The problem is also because it's easy to get a driving licence. One can pay money to the right people (read wrong people), skip the tests and get a licence. They say that they are strict about issuing licences now. But then the shady business still survives. The moment I enter the RTO, I can see it stinking of corruption. The count of illegal licences increases and irresponsible drivers having no clue about road rules increase too. Not surprisingly, they would be the ones behind most accidents. Everywhere you go, you will see haphazard driving. Who really cares about rules? Who cares to indicate while switching lanes? Who cares to stop for signals? Honk. Honk and force the vehicle in front to move just an inch forward so that you can squeeze your way through and jump signals. Traffic everywhere? In a hurry? Get the vehicle on to the footpath. Who cares about pedestrians? Why care when everyone is just like you?
I wish I can shut my eyes and ears from all this and move on. But I can't! I have seen what this does to people I love. I have seen what this does to me. I have seen what this does to people I know! How can I be immune to this?

Please people, drive responsibly! You don't need rules to be responsible. You just need a heart!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Another day in paradise

I was walking down the streets of Sydney to take a taxi when I saw an old lady walking slowly with couple of bags. She was finding it difficult to walk up, or so I thought. I wanted to help her. I wanted to do something for her. But I wasn't sure if she will be offended if I offered to help. I was looking at her while I was walking down and then it was too late to ask because before I could make up my mind, I walked past her.

And then my instincts took the better of me, I looked back. To my surprise, she had stopped and she was looking at me and was saying something to me. I ran up to her and before I could say anything, she said, "You are a very good girl. You are looking nice. You are good". I asked if I could help her carry her bags. She shook her head and all she said was "You don't have to. You are good" and she walked away. Silly me, I cried while I walked away and took my taxi.

Later when I thought about it, I really don't know why she said all that to me and I don't know why I cried. But there is one song that I was reminded of - Phil Collin's "Another day in paradise". And I promised myself that next time, wherever I am, I won't think twice to help anyone in need. I definitely don't want to miss another day in paradise.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Life and giant wheels

Life is a roller coaster ride eh? I say, Life is a giant wheel ride.
It takes hell a lot of time to climb up,  hoping and building the excitement.
Then it stops. It gives you time to digest the fact that you have reached the pinnacle.
And then whoosh, you come down in a jiffy.
But wait, the ride down is the most exciting part.
And you know you will be going up again anyway. :-D

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Free spirited in Madrid

I could write a lot about Spain. I could write about the best cities to visit and the rich culture. I could write about the beautiful Gothic and Arabic designed structures. I could write about various museums and salsa night clubs. I could write about the buffet restaurants and the tapas bars where one can get yummy food. And I could even write about how warm and friendly people are. Oh, I could write about a lot more things like Spanish Oranges?

I have spent some of the weekends all by myself, exploring places and meeting new people. But somehow to me, the most simplest of experiences have always made sweet memories.
Today, I decided to pamper myself by going shopping and eating good food and just enjoying Madrid. I have already visited most of the places. So I decided to not make any plans and to just take each minute as it comes and go where my heart feels like. This sure gave me a high, I was high on life. :-)

I love Madrid's metro lines 'Metro de Madrid' as it’s called. One can just hop in and out of stations and I can assure that each of the stations will have something to explore. My favourite lines are Line 1 and Line 5. I started my day with the usual breakfast - churros con chocolate (a doughnut dipped in chocolate) and also asked for my strong cafe con leche y azucar (coffee with milk and sugar). The best start one could have.
I headed to El Rastro, La Latina market- The Sunday market where one, if lucky, could get some special items for affordable prices. I was pleasantly surprised to see a lady selling framed pictures of Indian Gods and Agarbathis. And in another stall, a Spanish guy was selling 'Lord Krishna' related books and he was explaining about India to a group of interested tourists. I stopped by to listen to his version of India. Well, I felt so proud listening to a Spanish guy talk excitedly about my country until he suddenly spotted me in the crowd and exclaimed "I think she is from India!" When all eyes turned towards me and I heard murmurs of approval, not being used to such kind of attention, I gladly wanted to disappear. And I did. Later, I mostly window shopped and bought a few things I thought was worth it. I was famished by the time I finished checking out all the stalls. I stopped to have vegetarian paella and totally recharged, I was all set to go to Sol.

I took the metro back to Sol. It was about evening time. One can never feel lonely or depressed or sad in Europe. If for some reason you do feel sad, take a walk in Sol. How can anyone not be happy? I saw wonderful happy people everywhere. Every street had something to offer. A band was singing in one of the streets with a sweet kid happily dancing, a Portuguese band was playing music and many people were dancing, strangers smiled and many happily said Hola! I shopped at El Corte Inglés and I didn't want to miss the remaining fun. So I came back to watch how free spirited people are. I took a walk down to Plaza Mayor, oh I love the square, whenever I go there, I always feel like I am walking into one of the romantic stories I used to read when I was younger.

Before I realized, it was getting late but I didn't want to go back. I seated myself comfortably at Maoz vegetarian restaurante, my favourite salad bar. I chose the best ingredients and the best sauces with my all-time-favourite zumo de piña (pineapple juice). But that wasn't enough for me. I was happy and contented so the next best thing for me to do was to eat something sweet.

So then, I went crazy. I stopped at each of the pastry shops that my heart chose and whimsically bought whatever seemed pleasing to my eyes and packed it all up. To top it, I bought an ice-cream too. I took a walk down Sol again. I ate the ice-cream like I was a kid, excited and happy. I think the ice-cream dripped a bit through my fingers but I didn’t care nor do I remember seeing anyone giving that weird look.

My day was coming to an end. Though I did not want to leave the place, I did not leave with a heavy heart. Because the free spirited Madrid taught me to be myself, to be happy and contended with whoever I am. I felt warm and welcomed by the city and the people. And with that happy feeling, I came back home feeling high on life and cakes :-)

Saturday, August 07, 2010

You run, so I run

An experience at the local railway station, a moral story:

Luckily being the first in a long queue at the station, I buy a ticket. I have to take two stairways to reach the platform. I take the first step and I assume I hear the sound of the train. So I start running, taking two steps at a time. At the eleventh step, I realize that my assumption is wrong but then people behind me seeing me run have started running too. I think, so what let me run the next few steps as well. As I run, I hear more footsteps. So I run all the way to the train-less platform just for the heck of it. And there, a bunch of people have run with me too. And I turn back to see their faces. Expressions? Priceless.

Moral: Some would have followed me; some would have followed the ones in front of them. So my take on this would be to stop to think whom you are following or who you look up to be your leader. Most of all, stop to see "why" you are following. Who knows, he/she might be taking you for a ride.

Leadership eh? Quite! ;-)

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Rhetorical wonders

Head in the clouds, feet on the ground,
I see some angels and I feel some squirms.
Clouded by doubts, I ask them all,
You tell me slow and steady really wins,
So say, is it really worth in the end,
With recognitions forgotten I have nothing to ask,
Pray, why are you overlooking precious things?
Oh now stop, have trust they all cry,
You will find solace in us if only you try.
Such soft touch, a motherly concern,
I wouldn’t forgive myself if I dissent.
Make mistakes, it's good, they say,
If only you learn from them the right way,
What is there is not seen, what is seen is not there,
Today it would seem like a lost way,
Wait till tomorrow, you shall find a new way,
It doesn’t take much to see the light,
It’s there already; you’ll just have to wait.
Thus saying, they slowly move away,
Wiggling, waggling, swaying, swinging,
They all then fade off as yet another dream.
With everything just right, misconception gone,
I am now where I belong, and I am free,
Coz I burnt it all and I will burn it all!
And it takes only one simple thing to understand,
Enlightened or blind? Time will tell.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Shrouded in the backyard

I heard it. I have heard it before.
A cry, a wail and a shriek.
An incomprehensible sound it has always been.
It has never lasted for more than a minute.
It isn't from the road, it is from a nearby block.
I thought it was a cat. A woman she was.
I have never seen her but I doubt if I ever will.
Coz I know no lady who lives in the neighbouring backyard.
Was she in distress? Or was it a spell so evil?
I never get answers to these questions repeated.
I would have helped her if only it wasn't so dark.
Well, she always cries at 1:30AM sharp.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

One wish

I wish… A small wish…
A small wish I yearn, a small journey.
Long drive to the greenwoods,
Reverberating music in the twilight,
Wide lanes, yellow autumn leaves,
Blue-blue sea, sound of the waves,
Snow-white full moon and its reflections,
Illuminated ship at a distance,
Cool breeze, palm trees fanning,
A good read -a story with a pun,
With hearts engraved on the sands,
A shoulder to lean on, a lovely cuddle,
Sigh and the world stops for me.
I wish… A small wish…

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Everything is one!

I find only one similarity between right & wrong, God & ghosts, different religions - all of these exist but as one.

Just like everyone else, I have my principles, discipline and opinions. I, of course don't like it if someone questions them nor do I like it if someone says they are wrong! I won't give up on my principles nor will I rebuke someone who doesn't think the same way. But is there something called "wrong" or "right" in the first place? Why can't two people with different opinions be right at the same time? Or actually why can't they be wrong at the same time?! Why should we be highly opinionated? Can't we stop to give others the benefit of doubt?

One of my friends stated that it's easy for people to believe in God but not ghosts. But how is it possible to believe in one and not the other? If Gods exist in the form of spirits so do ghosts. Babaji is believed to have been a great saint residing in The Himalayas. He left his body but his soul is alleged to be still present. Shirdi Sai lived as a great saint and millions of people are still his devotees and the stories of miracles are spoken till date. All these miracles that are experienced are averred as the acts of the spirits of the Great ones. When people can believe in the spirits/souls of these supposed Mahatmas who were mortals, why can't people believe that there can be spirits/souls of ordinary mortals as well?

Only in India, one can find diversity in the form of religion or caste or language. It may sound weird to people who are against the caste system. But why can't we see the beautiful side of it for a change? Each of the religions/castes has a very unique tradition. The food, the dress, the functions, the language, everything is unique. For that matter, every state in India has people following unique traditions. I don't think I would be able to learn and understand even half of it in my lifetime. Amongst all these diversities is a unity -unity in the belief system. I can't help but notice the fact that there is a common belief in all the religions - peace and love. "Serve humanity", "Love one another". Isn't that what is taught in all religions? Religion came into being to establish a code of discipline and to bring peace to humanity. Lord Krishna preached about God being one and he restored peace in Brindavan. Muhammed Prophet preached that God is one and also restored peace by eradicating slavery. Jesus Christ preached about Love for humanity and it's told that he was a miraculous healer. All these religions have different customs but don't they all send the same message? Didn't they all come into being for a cause? Why is there a conflict between religions? What is the point in fighting for caste/religion/state?

Being right or wrong is very subjective and what is right to me may seem wrong to somebody else. I haven't seen God nor have I seen ghosts but I do know that if they exist, then they exist as one. As Bhagadvad Gita says, everything comes from God. Whether great souls or ordinary spirits, they all come from God. All religions have a basic and an underlying message- to extend peace and love to humanity. The people who have got the preaching of Bhagadvad Gita, Quran or The Bible all distorted will never be able to appreciate or understand the beauty that exists in all religions.

In the chaotic race of different people with different opinions, principles, beliefs, cultures, languages and religions, we can find a ray of hope - the ray of unity in diversity, the mutual love and respect for the human race. Nothing will seem right or wrong anymore because everything is one in the end.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Chord of the Hearts

Sun shines in the warm golden fields,
Butterflies encircle, colored wings flutter.
Exquisite, gentle notes whisper to the heart,
Blissful faces share beaming smiles.
Eyes gleam, arms clasp,
Harmony and peace entwine,
Music and Love is in the air.
A release of soulful wanting,
Rhythmic beats and lyrical crescendos heard.
The skies unfold and Angels bless,
From Darkness to Light,
Sweet sweet freedom felt!
A new life, a beautiful path found,
To Him, She belongs. Forever!
Dedicated to : StarGazer

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Echoes in the garden

The summer breeze brought in the fresh aroma of roses and violets. Bright rays from the western horizon fingered through the coconut trees and formed dark shadows of the woman seated on the bamboo chair. Her long hair turned a beautiful golden as the sun started to set, her legs tucked into the pleated silk skirt, her eyes reflecting pools of mixed emotions, she made a pretty sight. 

Miss G was oblivious to the beauty that she exuded. Nothing was beautiful to her anymore, not without him. She braced herself for the familiar ache of exhaustion to take over. Nothing was the same anymore. The water splashed softly from the small fountain in the garden where she had always been able to find peace when she had felt the need to seek life in a strange way she had never sought to explain or question. But there was no magic today and no answer. Peace seemed to elude her, despair set in, she squeezed her eyes shut and wished everything would just turn out to be a nightmare. Recalling the good times hurt too much. It brought back flooding memories, stunning and intense that threatened to overwhelm her response.

She saw a tall dark figure move on the other side of her house. She watched as he walked restlessly, deep in thought, in the lawn of his house. A dark shadow formed around her hiding her among the trees and he couldn't see her watching him. She sighed as she watched him. Had it all started when she moved to his neighborhood or was it when he introduced himself in the best poetic way possible or was it when they bumped into each other more often? The night was growing into her and the birds wheeled in the dark clouds and sang a strange song that added to her melancholy.

Meeting him everyday was inevitable. It was never difficult to spot him in the crowd. He would be there, a tall dark soul looming with confidence and attitude. She blamed herself for getting close to a man who has become a stranger now. A stranger who was her best friend, a stranger who taught her everything and a stranger who now reminded her of all the things that she wanted to forget. Just a few words away, a few calls away, so close but so far away, Miss G lost count of the number of times she wondered if her resolve was right. But she had made plans and she knew that she would get through this. She looked up at the dark sky and wondered why destiny had to play a cruel game in her life, her head fell to her knees hugging herself, she resigned to the fact that nothing can change destiny.

The distant sound of the church bell indicated the strike of the hour. She shivered and shifted uneasily. Her neighbor's illuminated home intimidated her and she wondered what could make him so happy. She half wished to run into his arms and be reassured that everything is going to fine. But she knew better. She shook herself out of her wandering thoughts, gave a longing glance at her neighbor, took a determined step toward her home. As Miss G walked back to her home with a heavy heart still foundering in old emotions, darkness swept her into the world of loneliness.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Swim like the Bluegill

I feel like a Bluegill, sensitive to all the vicious things that happen around yet tolerate them and continue swimming through it all. Babyhood saw the Bluegill in a small tank, well protected with no worries. It grew up, got transported to a bigger tank that taught it to live with other species. Now its the ocean, where its learning to live with some real deadly creatures, treading carefully, not trusting easily yet swimming with confidence and expertise amongst many hurdles. It doesn't know how much bigger the ocean is gonna get, how many deadly creatures or friendly aliens its gonna meet.

Long time ago, a friend of mine- Brat told me that it's okay to get scared sometimes coz it gets your adrenaline pumping hard. That was such a crazy thing to say then but in a way it's true. The swimming will be fun, a risky sort of fun. Sometimes I wish the "Beauty and the Beast" miracle would happen that would turn the Bluegill into a Tortoise. The Bluegill would rise from the ocean as a Tortoise, jump to the forbidden land, hidden in a quiet shell knowing that there is much more to Life than just the Ocean.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

To the place of happiness

Weekend comes and goes, Monday is the day typically filled with people feeling so blue. Naturally, Monday being Monday it can't be otherwise. One of the monotonous cliched rituals followed by people is asking "so how are you?" (I have never understood why "so" is used when everyone is just about trying to strike a conversation for the 1st time in the week or was it Friday a few seconds ago??) followed by "how was the weekend?" and the answer to that would always vary between two extremes "sleep, eat, TV" to "I was hanging out with friends". If it’s the latter, some would gush in saying "ooooh!! Where did you go???" Whether it has something to do with the phrase "hang out" or "friends" one never knows, but the "place" of meeting is of prime importance that kindles the interest to the listener. Well, maybe in a way the place does matter if the meeting is for a specific reason. It makes people who meet feel comfortable or, if its for the same cause it unites the group or, it helps in sharing similar tastes. But what I realized is, the "place" doesn't really matter as long as it’s with the person you like sharing (I refrain from saying spending) your time. The past couple of weekends have been good, meeting some old friends and some others who are dearest to me, catching up with gossips and nostalgic events or just being together for that moment on that day. I didn't for once care where we went, what we ate, where we sat or where we walked, everything just happened the right way at the right time. The very fact that we were meeting felt more exciting than anything else. So much to tell but so little told, hours of non-stop talking and giggling, sometimes silence speaking volumes, pleasant welcoming silence that. I would never be able to pen down the happiness that filled my heart, though I might try in the future, I know it'll be a long long way down the lane until I experience anything close to it again. But when the day comes, if someone asks me "Where did you go??" I would say, "To the place of happiness"....

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Revolving minds

I remember reading about how people feel sleepy after lunch. Reason: there is an influx of glucose after a heavy lunch which prevents the nerve cells from sending alert signals to the brain to keep awake. This reason was quite consoling when I had a similar attack to my brain today. I was browsing through some of the mails I received with a groggy feeling when I found one of them really intriguing. It was about some of the famous skyscrapers constructed across the world. One of them would be the world's first revolving tower (A spinning Skyscraper) once its erected as planned in Dubai. Its no ordinary skyscraper for the fact that each of the floors of the tower will be revolving on its axis.
Of course this tower would be revolving at a speed that wouldn't be felt by the people inside. But wouldn't it be great if all the floors in a building revolve at a speed which would make people wonder where they were a few seconds back?? Especially if its utilized as a working place, it would make life more interesting with computers and cabins moving all around the place and if a person happens to move away from his seat for a second, chances are that he would have to go on a merry-go-round search to get back. With the architectural advancements, one wouldn't be surprised if a combination of "Leaning Tower of Pisa" and "The Revolving Tower" is constructed with everything and everyone leaning and revolving, and people still sane.

Friday, August 24, 2007

The Sky-Life

Today was a rainy day. The moment I got out of the coziness of my home, I was greeted by the cold breeze bringing the fresh smell of the damp sands, the tall wet grasses glistening with dewdrops hanging for life and not so willing to leave the slender tips of the green plants, roads filled with puddles of rainwater, small children wearing colorful raincoats waiting for their school buses, the sky so cloudy and gray, everything and everyone unusually quiet. If only today wasn't a weekday, it would have been a perfect day to relax with a mug of coffee reading my favorite novel watching the rain making patterns on the window panes, listening to instrumental music accompanied by an occasional bite on hot pakkodas. As I was unable to do any of these, I did what I like doing best, Sky-Gazing. 

They say that the universe is made up of five elements: earth, water, air, fire and space. It’s also believed that human bodies are made up of these 5 elements. Whenever I see the vast forms of these 5 elements, Mother Earth with dark brown soil providing the path for our footprints, seas and oceans with tides so high, the powerful winds, fire filled with rage, space the one that surrounds and provides a blanket for us, I can't help but feel small and insignificant. As I was gazing at the wonderful creation, what really caught my eye was the Sky. Sky, the vast, the infinite and the moody. Moody because she is the only one who emotes well. She rises in the morning, yellow, looking beautiful spreading the joy and happiness. Fresh and lustrous, gives the feeling that victory is in the air. She then turns to her much liked role of spreading tranquility, emoting intelligence and calmness by turning blue with patches of white here and there representing her innocence and purity of the soul. She gets ready to retire for the day, but before that becomes reddish orange and dances with joy, love and passion. The stage of mysterious disappearing happens next and Sky turns black and portrays the unknown fear. There are times when Sky gets pessimistic and unsure and those are the times when she is neither black nor white but just gray and cloudy. I see a close resemblance of the Sky to the behavior of humans and I guess that makes the Sky more human than any other creations in the world. Ah, doesn't it make the world a colorful place to live in? :)

Monday, July 23, 2007


Sleep is delightful. It really is! And I realized that only after I started traveling 4 hours a day. All the entertainment I derive from the bus journey is by observing how gravity plays a vital role when it comes to sleep. Quite an amusing sight to see a group of heads swaying from side to side, lips stretched at an awkward angle, some with a smug look while others presumably deep in thought. Screeching brakes or the constant honking are considered mellifluous and act as a lullaby to the sleepyheads. Added ingredients are the incessant chatter of the RJs combined with the distorted signals that sound totally gibberish to the sensitive ears. Whether its the early morning rays or the pleasant evening breeze, invariably everyone dashes for the comb just seconds before their destination arrives, entangling the already tangled or the almost bald mass. And sometimes when it becomes too much for me to take, I would catch some of my "beauty" sleep and then I realize how delightful sleeping in the bus can be, with the gentle rock and rolling, riding all along the way with all the little passengers, warm and snug inside!

Monday, January 01, 2007

Those two words

There are two words in English that are easier said than done. Time immemorial we have heard people say “Have Faith”. Have faith in me, or have faith in yourself or have faith in God are some of the common extensions that are added to those two words. But I learnt that there is a deeper and a stronger meaning to the words “Have Faith”.
I remember a short story my dad told me when I was a kid to illustrate this:
There was once a man in a village who claimed to be a holy man and though he had no spiritual powers whatsoever he cheated people by playing intelligent tricks to make them believe in him. This became his regular source of income in that small village. One day a very young, gullible boy went to the man and fell prey to the trickster. From that day on, the boy became an ardent devotee of the fake saint. Wherever the man went, the boy also went and the boy completely trusted and had full faith in his Guru. One day, a group of people from the near by village having heard about the saint, came to meet him and requested him to cure a disease that had infected a man in their village. The saint knew that he couldn’t do it and sent the young boy instead. The boy didn’t know any tricks. All he had with him was “faith” in his Guru. And when he touched the diseased person, lo and behold the man was cured.
Not getting too analytical about the story of its actual possibilities of happening, the essence of the story is that the boy had an unshakable faith and that simply helped him in achieving the impossible.
All along, I used to think that miracles don’t happen and it’s not quite possible. There are umpteen stories about people who have experienced miracles and some of them are quite unbelievable. Unless we experience such miracles we would never be able to believe them. But miracles don’t happen to everyone. That’s because it comes with a slight catch, It happens only to people who have faith!
Faith need not necessarily mean faith in some external source; it can be faith in oneself. Confidence and faith are two complementary things. A person having total faith in himself has the self-confidence and he does the impossible and he experiences miracles.
Sadly though, it isn't that easy to trust because as humans, there is always a nagging thought and we give a benefit of doubt to the faith we have. Unshakable faith is what surpasses all time and makes us achieve miracles. As someone rightly said "Faith makes things possible, not easy." And you can trust me on that ;)

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Viva Forever!!!

Viva means "may it live", and usually translated to English as "long live". Viva Forever- Long Live Forever! A beautiful song by Spice Girls.....

Do you still remember how we used to be
Feeling together believe in whatever
My love has said to me
Both of us were dreamers Young love in the sun
Felt like my saviour My spirit I gave you
We'd only just begun
Hasta Manana Always be mine
Viva Forever I'll be waiting
Everlasting Like the sun
Live Forever for the moment
Ever searching for the world
Yes I still remember every whispered word
The touch of your skin, giving life from within
Like a love song that I've heard
Slipping through our fingers, like the sands of time
Promises made, every memory saved
Has reflections in my mind
Hasta Manana, always be mine
Viva Forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, Like the sun
Live Forever, For the moment
Ever searching, for the world
But we're all alone, was it just a dream
Feelings untold, They will never be sold
And the secrets safe with me
Hasta Manana, always be mine
Viva Forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting, Like the sun
Live Forever, for the moment
Ever searching, for the world

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

An emotion, a hype!

A lot of soul searching.. And a discussion with my friend brought me to think about LOVE! Love, the word which is associated with the dreamy world, star-eyed people, a world of tarzans and spidermans swiping you off the floor to their imaginary world of blissful happiness. Hmm, so that is exactly what the movies and books do to the people! An unnecessary hype being created to a simple lovely emotion called "Love".

Yes, Love is a great feeling. Makes one feel special and nice. But then one must remember that it is just another emotion. We say we love our parents, we love our pets, we love our friends, we love a few things too. But when it comes to love towards a boyfriend/girlfriend, it turns blind! Its the same "love" we use to define the feeling towards other people too! So whats so special about loving your boyfriend/girlfriend?

I think its all about magnitude. The intensity what matters in the end. We all love different people differently. Well its not about loving them differently, but its about loving them intensely! The intensity is less towards some and to others its more. The emotion Love is like a control chart. The control chart has upper limits and lower limits. And the points that cross these limits are not considered. The intensity of love is in between this Upper Limit and the lower limit. Loving parents and all other people and things come under these limits, with the intensities spread across.

When this emotion crosses the limit, one goes crazy! That's when people start expecting and craving for the imaginary world which in reality doesnt exist. That's when they call love as "blind" and extreme emotions creep in. Emotions such as possessiveness, jealousy, anger and sadnesss become a part of the act of loving. And some fool themselves saying that these emotions are really sweet because they are part of loving! And few others go to the extreme of saying that they hate and love the person at the same time! It can't get crazier. Can it?

It simply means that the person has gone weirdly off-balance and confused with his emotions towards the person. Love is not blind and can never turn blind when one has planted the foot firmly on the ground. It is a feeling to be enjoyed and one feels good and special when they love... Sharing, compromising, caring... Thats all that makes up love. Lots of breathing space, respect and understanding will make love an enduring experience. It definitely doesn't take a person to an imaginary world of tarzans but it helps to feel and see the rosier side of the real world!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Life goes on...

Like everyone, I have always been inspired by William Shakespeare’s “All the World’s a stage”. He talks about the different stages a man has to pass. I realized that the other meaning for “all the world’s a stage” is nothing but “life goes on”. Nobody remains the same forever. Time has to pass.. People grow.

We all pass the different stages of life at one point of time. And sometimes we realize the harder way that life goes on.
The people affected by natural calamities like earthquakes and tornados have lost many loved ones. It’s been more than a year since tsunami affected thousands of people in the world. Many have lost their dear ones. I know a father who lost all his children. He has started a school for the orphaned children who lost their parents on the black Sunday. He has learnt that life goes on..

Years have gone by, but my friend still talks about a friend of his who got married and though they have always been in touch and they both mean the world to each other, they can never live the way they used to.. It hurts. But he lives his life with his career, his family.. And she with hers.. They have learnt that life goes on..

From school to college and graduation, so many people have meant so much to me… Some remain friends, some I have lost, some of them who just left! Sometimes things can never be the same again.. What remain are the memories.. Memories to be cherished.. It hurts.. But I will wait to see that this too shall pass.. Because I know that life goes on..

As time just rolls we realize that time itself is the best healer. We are not what we were one year or one month or one week or sometimes one day back.. The hurt remains.. But the hurt which filled the heart before, now fills only a corner of the heart. Because we learn that life goes on!

Well life goes on and on and on... Till the
Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.